Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
