I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
