The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
