I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
