I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize