if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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