happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
