overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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