yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
