I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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