Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
