if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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