hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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