also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I see more hoeing in ur future
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