Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
