Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
