I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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