After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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