i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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