Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
