My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
