my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
