yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
