bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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