Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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