The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Randomize
