I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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