I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
