Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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