he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
