I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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