I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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