Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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