just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she told me i tasted like america
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
