u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize