i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
