I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
