Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
