your thong is hanging out like whoa
My room smells like vodka and shame
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
