My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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