I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
