Christians are straight up FREAKS
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
