I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
