I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My penis needs a shock collar
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
