I think I died a long time ago.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
