Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
