Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
