pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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