this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
