evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
