Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
