You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
