Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He passed out mid-signature
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
