Need sex. Gaining weight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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