some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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