Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
