If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
