maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
