apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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