I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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