I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
