The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
