You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
