What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
