I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
