i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
