I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
