i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
