He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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