Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
